Proof that nobody ever know's what's going on...

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Closing Time


Everything has a time and a place. Blogging is in no way limited by this statement. "I am where?" has served it's purpose and now has reached a pivotal end. What was begun as a cry for connection and healing has ended very slowly. I should've killed it months ago, but kept it alive thinking I might be able to revive it with a bit of change or new flare. I failed. I guess what it comes down to is that my life lacks the turmoil that made it interesting in the first place. In all honesty, "I am where?" was probably really OLD for most of you guys for quite some time - the amount of comments on my posts kinda reflects this.

Anyhow...it's time to move on to a different time in life. A time of personal relationships not bound by the wit one can impress on others through strokes of a Dell keyboard. The end has come and gone and I am just now brave enough to silence the silliness. Thanks for bearing with me.

So long...and thanks for all the fish...

- JF

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

Family Order

I never considered before that I might be caring for an older siblings children. I have always been "Uncle J", but never like I have to be now. Family issues have brought a young niece and nephew into my little apartment. Luckily its only for the weekends over the next month, but still...it rubs me pretty strangely. Grama and grandpa get the kids at night, older sister takes them to school during the day...and we get the kids over the weekend?!?! Raw deal.

I have this innate order...family order...that is just screaming justice. Bren is the youngest child...I am the youngest child...why can't the higher ups do their duty? Inner monologue persists...Oh yes, sister has abusive hubby...kids cant stay there overnight. Oldest? Nope...to far away. Wait! Youngest siblings are close - give 'em the kids! Wait...youngest siblings is...ME... So, yes, there was little choice in this family order. But it doesnt make it feel any nicer. I struggle with this choice because it honestly wasn't a choice - it was forced upon my household. Welcome to being an adult. Just look at it as parental training. Wait a minute...the alter ego kicks in...what? Parental training? More like training to be a high school counselor! What are you thinking, idiot! OK...enough of that...I think I've made my point by now. On to the questions...

Is it selfish to think that older siblings...parents...grandparents...people higher in the family order of responsibility...should step in to avoid forcing the young lings into a situation such as this?

Bren and I have been married for just barely a half a year now...we're not so rich...is it selfish to be angry when parents don't at least compensate us for food...for entertaining...for THEIR CHILDREN?

These kids lack...lets say this with tact...proper direction from their parents...but how do I know any better for them? How do I treat a kids that isn't mine?

I'm sure you'll be hearing more on this - I haven't even gotten close to processing this in whole. This whole situation is so disturbing...this is so confusing...

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

An Australian take on the "American" Church



The end is the best part.

Despite the funny theme of this video, it bring serious questions to mind. Many of which are answered by a simple statement...PEOPLE ARE WHACK JOBS. Every single one of us. It scares me to think that I might have come off just the same as one of these people...ok, well, maybe not so extreme. But still, it makes me look deep in and really think about myself...where have I doomed or condemned others in the past with my Christianesse or the Holy Bible - even if it was only slightly? It makes me realize my true need for Christ to live in me during my everyday life - to guide my steps, to caution my words.

Is anyone else curious about where the Holy Spirit is in this situation? Have all the true believers just exited the premises? Or could a true blue Holy Spirit filled person actually be capable of such contorted beliefs? I want to say no...but can I?

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German Surprise!

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSL2245467620070524

Brint, have you been to Dutchland this week? Tisk on you...

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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Homes, Mortgages, Commutes...Oh My!

Brenna and I have started the house search. Man, being a first time home buyer is confusing. Does everything about buying a home have to be so confusing?

I called Countrywide and got pre-qualified early so when find a house we like we can go for it. We've had a lot of conversations about square footage, commute time, good zip codes vs. bad ones, etc...and we've looked at a lot of houses online - most in Stead, some in Donner Springs. I sure wouldn't mind being close to work, thats for sure! We've also liked a lot of homes out in Stead because of the price per square foot, but I am not looking forward to the traffic ridden commutes...

And despite our best efforts to avoid it, it looks like Brenna is going to have to find a job. It's a bummer, but for now it will work. Once the house is established and I get a nice salary bump at work we can do the kids thing...and Brenna can stop working. (God willing and fingers crossed!)

Anyway...anyone have any advise?

Hows the traffic for the 8am and 5pm commute out to Stead from South Reno?

Anyone have/know of a good job for Brenna?

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Dream 2

This dream happened a few days before my review with Tripp...

I am trying to get to my interview at IGT over a lunch break. I had told the operations manager and everyone at Tripp what I was doing because I wanted to be up front with them. So, as I am leaving my desk to go home and change, my boss ties me up talking about a new project. I finally get away from my boss and the operations manager has someone how taken my car from me so I cannot go anywhere.

Then, flash...somehow I have gotten a beasty truck at my personal disposal. I am on the freeway driving this off-road beast of a truck home, but it only goes 30 mph. I think back and I realize the operations manager has offered the truck to me because my car was not available.

Then, flash...I am at my house and changed into my nice clothes when I realize everything about my outfit is awry. I realize someone how the operations manager had. No time, nothing else to change into...I run out the door to get to IGT on time. I get to the parking lot of the apartment complex only to find that the beasty truck has vanished and the operations manager is standing in the parking spot laughing. I dont hesitate to just run past him.

Then, flash...I am in the IGT lobby from the first dream asking for my interviewer. It is a grandiose lobby with a 300 ft long and 50 ft tall half moon shaped glass front. The receptionists desk and all the items in the lobby are immaculate, clean, and expensive. I am received in by my interviewer and we walk through equally amazing hallways and stairways to get to the interview room. There are about 30 people around a circular room with no table in the middle. I am seated on the far side from the door in the only blank chair in the room and as I speak I again can do no wrong. Just like my first dream they love everything I say. Just like the first dream, every negative thing I say about myself doesn't matter - they praise and encourage me more and more that I am the right person for the job.

Then, flash...I am in the hallway from dream 1. Except this time I am at the table with the man from dream 1 , the HR people from dream 1, and the man who picked me up in the lobby at the beginning of the dream. They push a torn corner of plain, white paper to me with a number on it... 69,187.40 as the man says, "Thats what you will be making here." I am excited and happy. We all shake hands and agree.

Then, flash...I wake up...

P.S. If the number has any significance at all it must be in the future because thats NOT what I make! Maybe someday though...

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Dream 1

Before I left Tripp I had promised myself that I would stay until my review. I wanted to see if they would give the appropriate raise after getting my degree. While tossing around the thought that I was most likely going to have to resign and search for a new job, I had a couple dreams...this is the first one...


I am in an interview room with an older man. He has a Italian leather couch that we sit on for the interview. In his room are oak bookcases filled with books with a matching desk that has to way more than my Jetta. The idea is it looks like one of those offices you would see in a movie about a Wall Street exec...its plush. In the interview I can do no wrong...no matter what I say this man praises me and encourages me to join the company by saying, "You must come work for IGT!"

Then, flash, I am in a big, wide open area. It is in some kind of major hallway because people are passing all around me. From the table I sit at I can see the man from the interview talking to people I assume are HR reps. They are all smiling and happy about what he says. My watching is interrupted numerous times by passersby who all comment, "Oh, your the new guy! Welcome! Glad to have you!" As I watch the man and the HR people more, my old boss walks by and notices me. He looks at me with utter distaste and asks me what I am doing there. I tell him I am interviewing for a job and he looks at me as if to imply that he will harm me. Then, flash...I wake up...

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Forgiveness

If you have been keeping track of the latest stuff on my blog you will have noticed that I left my old job @ Tripp and went across town to IGT. Keep in mind that Tripp is a plastics supplier for IGT so I knew up front that I would still have to deal with Tripp people.

Anyway, the reasons I left are many...and it would fairly moot to list them. The point is that I had to slyly, secretly, and descretely go back and forth to IGT while I was trying to get the new job. I felt guilty...not cause I wanted to, but because I felt like I should. I keep trying to tell myself its just a career/business decision...but something about the disappointment my old boss expressed has just kinda stuck with me. The day I gave my notice he asked me why I was leaving so soon because he had the feeling I had agreed to stay on longer. My response was a fairly simple one - I had observed numerous business practices that lead me to believe Tripp would terminate me ASAP if they knew I was looking for other employment.

Add this weird guilt feeling for his disappointment on top of all the strange business practices they have and I just get this mess of emotion any time I think about the place. I physically get a sinking pit feeling every time I have to even slightly interact with or, sometimes, even think about Tripp. Its odd and I HATE IT.

Today though, when it came down to really thinking about, it wasn't guilt I felt. NO! It was much deeper than a little guilt...it was more...sucky. I realized tonight that I dont need to just let time pass and get over it like I though I needed to.

I need to forgive the entity. Not a person. Not a set of people. Not the situation. I need to forgive Tripp. Its not like they did anything atrocious to me, but I just have this welling up of unforgiveness.

It might have something to do with dreams I had about quiting. This will come in subsequent posts as this one has grown to a length somewhat unpleasant and, well...lengthy...

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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

A new job

I graduated college...a BS in ME. Exciting stuff...now what? I expected a raise when I had my review at my current job. I had a stellar review...above average and excellent marks on everything. So I did get a raise, a raise like a person who just got a stellar review would get. What about my DEGREE? I realize it's just a piece of paper, but it symbolizes something. Anyway...as you can guess, I was pretty pissed. Getting paid around 1/2 what you expect, receiving dismal benefits (and none for you wife), and working in a beat up warehouse all kind of added up over the last 9 months.

So I got a NEW job. I interviewed with a couple companies while still working at my current job and decided to go to IGT. They offered me - and Brenna - benefits at low cost to us, the right salary for my degree, and a mucho cool building with a workout center and a cafeteria! Super cool.

I think the scariest/least fun thing I had to do was to turn in my letter of resignation on Thursday...that was a weird experience. Dont most people go through this kind of stuff at 30? So, I start on Feb 20...thanks for all you prayers!

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Revelations

This post inspired and brought to you by Tim, "large and in charge...he's your man..."

Question 1:
Does it bother any one else when Christians make the study of Revelations into the study what/when/where rather than who God is and why he wants us to expect certain signs?

Explanation:
I was watching some of a national conference from the IHOP (no, not the pancake house...the International House of Prayer) called OneThing. This guy was talking about Revelations, but he was talking about who God is or how He wants us to be...rather this guy was using Revelations to say that he is seeing signs and the time is soon and all Christians should convert to End Times methodology. Wacky. He wasn't so direct mind you, but his subtleties basically flaunted, "This is my personal conviction in life...you're a bad Christ follower if you don't follow my conviction".

Question 2:
Is this kind of stuff messed up to anyone else?

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Pat Robertson - Extremists

READ ABOUT THIS HERE

Seriously, every religion has their extremists. Pat Robertson thinks he hears God...I think he hears "cha-ching" every time he gets a vision on something that can cause a stir. Everybody can tell this guy is a wacko, but not everybody knows that "normal" Christians aren't even slightly wacko like Pat. What bothers me about this that he is painting a completely false image of God and His people...we're not TV evangelists, super Christians, nut jobs, or anything else just completely out of order. When it comes down to it though, I sure am glad God can defend himself. Oh yeah, and I'm glad Pat has to stretch the truth to make his "words from the Lord" legitimate...at least some intelligent people can see through that crap.

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