Forgiveness

If you have been keeping track of the latest stuff on my blog you will have noticed that I left my old job @ Tripp and went across town to IGT. Keep in mind that Tripp is a plastics supplier for IGT so I knew up front that I would still have to deal with Tripp people.

Anyway, the reasons I left are many...and it would fairly moot to list them. The point is that I had to slyly, secretly, and descretely go back and forth to IGT while I was trying to get the new job. I felt guilty...not cause I wanted to, but because I felt like I should. I keep trying to tell myself its just a career/business decision...but something about the disappointment my old boss expressed has just kinda stuck with me. The day I gave my notice he asked me why I was leaving so soon because he had the feeling I had agreed to stay on longer. My response was a fairly simple one - I had observed numerous business practices that lead me to believe Tripp would terminate me ASAP if they knew I was looking for other employment.

Add this weird guilt feeling for his disappointment on top of all the strange business practices they have and I just get this mess of emotion any time I think about the place. I physically get a sinking pit feeling every time I have to even slightly interact with or, sometimes, even think about Tripp. Its odd and I HATE IT.

Today though, when it came down to really thinking about, it wasn't guilt I felt. NO! It was much deeper than a little guilt...it was more...sucky. I realized tonight that I dont need to just let time pass and get over it like I though I needed to.

I need to forgive the entity. Not a person. Not a set of people. Not the situation. I need to forgive Tripp. Its not like they did anything atrocious to me, but I just have this welling up of unforgiveness.

It might have something to do with dreams I had about quiting. This will come in subsequent posts as this one has grown to a length somewhat unpleasant and, well...lengthy...