Dream 2

This dream happened a few days before my review with Tripp...

I am trying to get to my interview at IGT over a lunch break. I had told the operations manager and everyone at Tripp what I was doing because I wanted to be up front with them. So, as I am leaving my desk to go home and change, my boss ties me up talking about a new project. I finally get away from my boss and the operations manager has someone how taken my car from me so I cannot go anywhere.

Then, flash...somehow I have gotten a beasty truck at my personal disposal. I am on the freeway driving this off-road beast of a truck home, but it only goes 30 mph. I think back and I realize the operations manager has offered the truck to me because my car was not available.

Then, flash...I am at my house and changed into my nice clothes when I realize everything about my outfit is awry. I realize someone how the operations manager had. No time, nothing else to change into...I run out the door to get to IGT on time. I get to the parking lot of the apartment complex only to find that the beasty truck has vanished and the operations manager is standing in the parking spot laughing. I dont hesitate to just run past him.

Then, flash...I am in the IGT lobby from the first dream asking for my interviewer. It is a grandiose lobby with a 300 ft long and 50 ft tall half moon shaped glass front. The receptionists desk and all the items in the lobby are immaculate, clean, and expensive. I am received in by my interviewer and we walk through equally amazing hallways and stairways to get to the interview room. There are about 30 people around a circular room with no table in the middle. I am seated on the far side from the door in the only blank chair in the room and as I speak I again can do no wrong. Just like my first dream they love everything I say. Just like the first dream, every negative thing I say about myself doesn't matter - they praise and encourage me more and more that I am the right person for the job.

Then, flash...I am in the hallway from dream 1. Except this time I am at the table with the man from dream 1 , the HR people from dream 1, and the man who picked me up in the lobby at the beginning of the dream. They push a torn corner of plain, white paper to me with a number on it... 69,187.40 as the man says, "Thats what you will be making here." I am excited and happy. We all shake hands and agree.

Then, flash...I wake up...

P.S. If the number has any significance at all it must be in the future because thats NOT what I make! Maybe someday though...

Dream 1

Before I left Tripp I had promised myself that I would stay until my review. I wanted to see if they would give the appropriate raise after getting my degree. While tossing around the thought that I was most likely going to have to resign and search for a new job, I had a couple dreams...this is the first one...


I am in an interview room with an older man. He has a Italian leather couch that we sit on for the interview. In his room are oak bookcases filled with books with a matching desk that has to way more than my Jetta. The idea is it looks like one of those offices you would see in a movie about a Wall Street exec...its plush. In the interview I can do no wrong...no matter what I say this man praises me and encourages me to join the company by saying, "You must come work for IGT!"

Then, flash, I am in a big, wide open area. It is in some kind of major hallway because people are passing all around me. From the table I sit at I can see the man from the interview talking to people I assume are HR reps. They are all smiling and happy about what he says. My watching is interrupted numerous times by passersby who all comment, "Oh, your the new guy! Welcome! Glad to have you!" As I watch the man and the HR people more, my old boss walks by and notices me. He looks at me with utter distaste and asks me what I am doing there. I tell him I am interviewing for a job and he looks at me as if to imply that he will harm me. Then, flash...I wake up...

Forgiveness

If you have been keeping track of the latest stuff on my blog you will have noticed that I left my old job @ Tripp and went across town to IGT. Keep in mind that Tripp is a plastics supplier for IGT so I knew up front that I would still have to deal with Tripp people.

Anyway, the reasons I left are many...and it would fairly moot to list them. The point is that I had to slyly, secretly, and descretely go back and forth to IGT while I was trying to get the new job. I felt guilty...not cause I wanted to, but because I felt like I should. I keep trying to tell myself its just a career/business decision...but something about the disappointment my old boss expressed has just kinda stuck with me. The day I gave my notice he asked me why I was leaving so soon because he had the feeling I had agreed to stay on longer. My response was a fairly simple one - I had observed numerous business practices that lead me to believe Tripp would terminate me ASAP if they knew I was looking for other employment.

Add this weird guilt feeling for his disappointment on top of all the strange business practices they have and I just get this mess of emotion any time I think about the place. I physically get a sinking pit feeling every time I have to even slightly interact with or, sometimes, even think about Tripp. Its odd and I HATE IT.

Today though, when it came down to really thinking about, it wasn't guilt I felt. NO! It was much deeper than a little guilt...it was more...sucky. I realized tonight that I dont need to just let time pass and get over it like I though I needed to.

I need to forgive the entity. Not a person. Not a set of people. Not the situation. I need to forgive Tripp. Its not like they did anything atrocious to me, but I just have this welling up of unforgiveness.

It might have something to do with dreams I had about quiting. This will come in subsequent posts as this one has grown to a length somewhat unpleasant and, well...lengthy...